Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in J, just J's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
2:19 pm	Pictures here's a link to a flickr set of pics of baby and other stuff, but mostly baby. http://www.flickr.com/photos/10124247@N08/sets/72157610628727747 Still figuring out flickr so hopefully this is formatted correctly for everyone to see it. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
10:15 am	News A quickie, more later, Baby Lorelied was born last night at 7:35 PT, she is very small, coming in at 4 lbs 12 oz. Both she and mother are doing well, and will be in the hospital until probably tomorrow afternoon, barring Baby facing any complications due to her size. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 27th, 2008
8:14 pm	copied from Gullinbursti -Would you do meth if it was legalized? Tried it once, not my drug of choice, although at this point I don't HAVE a drug of choice. -Abortion: for or against? I am pro-choice, but also believe we need more education to prevent unwanted pregnancies. -Would our country fall with a woman president? Have you been paying attention the last eight years? A man has done such a magnificent job of fucking this country in uncomfortable orifii that I don't think this question really has any validity to it at this point. -Do you believe in the death penalty? No, not particularly, it is not effective as a deterrent, and amounts basically to government mandated revenge killing. -Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already? Yes, legalization of marijuana seems a foregone conclusion to me, of course it has since I was 20, and it still hasn't happened yet. -Do you believe in God? not the American version of benevolent/petulant God, no, God as a unifying principle, perhaps, an overall "spark of life" that is universal and uncompromisingly self propagating? yes. -Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized? I believe that marriage should be more loosely defined to encompass a freedom to be with who you love and have it legally recognized, I am also for multiple/poly/line marriages, tho. Discounting, of course, the marriage of any person of the age of consent to a person under that age of consent. -Do you think its wrong that so many Hispanics are moving to the USA? Firstly, Who do you identify as "hispanics?" I think this term is nearly pejorative in the context of this question, the context of the question loads the word with some negativity, I believe we are seeing a second influx of immigrants into our country and the face of our country is going to change because of it, this is endemic to our country, it has always been the way of this country to take in those that come here and work them into our fabric of national identity. Can we really blame those who are coming here now for a possibility of a perceived "better life?" Isn't that the same impetus that brought our own ancestors here? -A 12 year old girl has a baby..should she keep it? Does she have a support network? Is her support network financially viable to care for the child? What about her education? this question is too general, there are always aspects of any situation that have to be considered. -The alcohol age be lowered to 18? Yes, most kids are drinking by that age anyway, and echoing others, if you are old enough to be a soldier trained to use technology to kill, you should be able to drink as well. -Should the war in Iraq be called off? We should have never been in there in the first place. -Assisted suicide is illegal..do you agree? No, on the surface of it, I believe each person should have the freedom to choose to die. Euthanasia, however I have some problem with, as it is often badly managed, and decision making can be taken out of the patient's hands, look at the statistics on involuntary euthanization in the netherlands for examples of what I fear. -Do you believe in spanking your children? not as a main disciplinary measure, no, in some cases, when, for instance the child is in danger of causing themselves or others greater harm than the spanking, I believe it is warranted, the danger is allowing spanking becoming the easy way to handle misbehavior. -Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars? Sure, it is just a piece of cloth, after all. -A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case...what do you think? It is unfortunate, but if the evidence is strong enough for the mother to have been declared innocent, then we must accept that verdict. -It's between you and a person who is being kept alive by life support machines..one has to die? Who? an absurd question to ask, as either of the people included in the hypothetical would not be in a position to decide, but I would answer both, if you are, indeed, being kept alive strictly by heroic medical means, you will never be a viable organism again, and your loved ones will have more difficulty dealing with an ongoing, emotionally draining situation such as Persistent Vegetative State then they would have dealing with your death. Why draw it out? -Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answer? Afraid? that would imply I give a crap about others' judgments of me, which I generally don't. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 12th, 2008
8:28 am	Bad Dreams 0828, and I am already forgetting what it felt like to grieve the death of my Viv. I fucking hate nightmares, especially when they are real enough to convince you. I woke sobbing this morning, after what felt like two days of denial, anger, etc, I had finally reached the grieving stage, and that kicked me out of the dream. and the real shitty thing about it? I am already forgetting, in the way dreams will go, fading like the afterimage of a bright light, or in the way a DMT trip is supposed to fade, I remember she drowned, I remember there was a replacement love interest for me, someone from my childhood come back, and I remember my brother/father was there to help me accept it. Jake somehow was both my father and my brother. I believed it all, even the denial/disbelief I was feeling. Fuck Physiology!!! Maybe I shouldn't reschedule counseling today? Current Mood: drained (Comment on this)
Monday, May 19th, 2008
3:14 pm	Dr. Appointment Saw the doc today, sort of a re-intake visit, he put me back on the statin, to reduce bad cholesterol, and just now while thinking about the appointment, I remembered what I meant to ask him about, but forgot to, the vasectomy. I have been considering, since the advent of the pregnancy and the effect it has had on Viv, I have come to a couple conclusions: 1. I don't want to create any more children, if Viv and I decide to be parents again after this one, I think it will be via adoption or fostering. 2. I don't want to put Viv through the stress that pregnancy is going to cause again, even accidentally. I had already been thinking about vasectomy before her panic and depression were so badly triggered by the pregnancy. Of course, Viv and I will discuss this for a good long while before I make that decision, as her input is something I value very highly on this issue, as with most others. So, back to doctor's visit, bp is right where it has been, a little high, but not nearly as bad as before I was seeing him, labs should be available for me to pick up before counseling appointment on Thursday. I am taking tomorrow off from work to reward myself with a 3 day weekend for my birthday. Crap! I'm gonna be 34. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 18th, 2008
6:04 pm	Prince Caspian Watched the second Chronicles of Narnia movie yesterday with Cameron, both he and I were not impressed nearly as much with it as the first movie, the movie truly seemed to be periods of waiting that stitched together CG battle sequences. Some of the allegory is more obvious to me in this movie than in the first one, as much of the story seems to be the older siblings having lost faith in Aslan and being led back onto the path by Lucy, the younger sister, who never loses hers. The battle scenes were good, but lacked some of the chaotic energy of the first movie. The repeating trebuchets require some research, as I find them questionable at best, I also found somewhat amusing the idea that stones flung by siege engines should generate a shockwave akin to a cannonball or artillery shell going off. At any rate, not a horrible movie, but not great either, I don't begrudge the ticket price, and that, sometimes, is the best that we can expect from hollywood today. Oh, and Susan (the older sister) reminds me of Susan (from Cincinnati) who I miss in the way that only a "one that got away" can be missed. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 17th, 2008
8:57 pm	Brain Download Okay So, V and I are to be parents, the proposed date of arrival is mid december. I am ecstatic, somewhere deep inside, under the being tired. The hormones from early pregnancy played hell with her panic, and then we had to hospitalize her for 4 days for gestational Diabetes, but both of those things seem to be coming back under control. Zora has been here to help for the last 3 weeks or so, which has been awesome, but sprinkled with horribleness. Prior to her being here, I was overwhelmed, but I was so busy I couldn't think about it. She has taken over the largest load of learning to cook for a diabetic, I am just now starting to learn what I need to know to support V after she leaves. Pursuant to caring for my partner and the zygote cum fetus, I have withdrawn from school, until at least winter of next year, I am considering also a change in career, as I would be happier schlepping food trays and patients as an orderly right now that I am telling people how to tune their tv to channel 3 all night, Because of my being overwhelmed, I am now seeing a counselor for depression issues, it will be through my eap to start, the initial session went well, I know just enough about CBT and other schools of therapeutic thought to be dangerous, but she and I seem to click in the way that is needed for therapy to work, so I am hopeful, and that is probably one of the most important things to be, when therapy is what you're going for. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 19th, 2007
1:28 am	Just because Get Your Sexy Name (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
7:55 pm	How many Flacid Penises are you equal to? Thanks to Boingboing, I spent some time playing with this timewaster earlier today. http://www.weirdconverter.com/lengthheight.php Enjoy Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Friday, July 28th, 2006
11:18 pm	Good Night So, my brother is baching it for about ten days. His wife and my nephew are in Idaho visiting her family. Cameron Viv and I went out to his place for dinner, grilled some burgers, and Cameron and I picked some blackberries. It was nice to do that together, as it seems the thing we do together most often is play video games, and I am coming to really dislike that precedent. I found some apples at my brother's place, and picked some for Viv, after trying one myself and verifying that they were tarter than I would generally eat, and therefore perfect for her palette. After apples and Blackberries, I went after some more tame fare. I grabbed one of my brother's lawn chairs and sat between blueberry bushes and picked blueberries for about a half hour, enjoying the breeze, the shade and the relative quiet of his place. While Jake cooked the burgers, I finished picking Blueberries and started them and the blackberries soaking in water, to rinse away dried leaves and other unwanteds. We ate dinner on the back patio at a picnic table, strange how burgers and Chee-tos can taste so much of contentedness if you have the right settings and company. Yes, Chee-tos=Contentedness, if done right. Jake and I discussed my sister some, and her current boyfriend, they are talking about buying a house together, and I am worried, as Jake is as well, that this guy is gonna fuck up her credit. I am trying to just hope that they work out okay, but it is hard to do. Her boyfriend is standoffish, and seems to have no intent or interest in meeting any of us half way. No real interest in spending time with her immediate family. It feels alot like he is trying to isolate her from us. Stuff at work is still really up in the air, but that will have to be a separate post, I feel like wasting time in a less productive way.... Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 15th, 2006
11:32 pm	Housecleaning I just removed a bunch of people/groups from my friends page, I am having an epiphanous night and am willy nilly changing things, so don't take it personal if it happened to you, I am mercurial, post-coital, somewhat manic, and insomniac, and I have to be awake in 6 hours. Some people were removed cause I no longer know why I added them, others because they post about less often than I do, and the groups because I don't need that kind of clutter any longer. Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 30th, 2006
9:17 pm	Dungeon toy I died in the Dungeon of Ozymandus I was killed in a stalagmite-filled maze of passages by Dreamsofthewyrd the dragon, whilst carrying... the Armour of Crista42, the Amulet of Naamah Darling, the Sword of Kiss Of Secrets and 0 gold pieces. Score: 12 Explore the Dungeon of Ozymandus and try to beat this score, or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon... Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 18th, 2006
8:31 pm	Lemming Your Linguistic Profile:: 60% General American English 15% Upper Midwestern 15% Yankee 5% Dixie 0% Midwestern What Kind of American English Do You Speak? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
6:22 am	Meh, Early, So, I woke up at quarter to six this morning, and really don't have to be anywhere til eight thirtyish to drop Cameron at school, why the hell can't I at least sleep in til seven thirty like I planned? It seems I always wake up too damn early of late. I suppose it could have something to do with the wildlife around here, I swear to all that is divine that it sounded like someone was raping a duck this morning. What a fowl sound that was to wake up to. I'm vaguely annoyed that the pool isn't open yet, but if I want to swim I can always go to the club and do it there. They have saltwater pool and hottub, instead of chlorine or bromine, it is kinda nice. however, the pool at the club is about 4 feet deep and is specifically for exercising in, so no jumping in, which is what I really miss most. hmmm... other random thoughts, I have a new phone number, comment here and I will give it back to you in a locked comment if you want it. I am seriously considering a paid account, as I am seeing the merit of posting by email at this point, I have a lot of free time at work and it would be a great way to update more often. I would also like to get more pictures for my icons and such. Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
7:23 pm	Work, etc So, I discovered today that my job doesn't suck as much as it has been. The reason it has been sucking is because we have had almost no work. there was a small upswing in work to be done today, and it made a huge difference in my day. I am sure that at some time we will have such a backlog that I will be wishing for these days of "no work, so fuck around at your desk," but right now it is hard to see that actually happening. The first two weeks have been so boring, waiting for the work to come in, and basically just trying to stay awake for eight and a half hours a day, there is only so much music you can listen to and comics or books you can read before you get antsy and start wanting to go to those sites you're not supposed to go to, like yahoo.com and play games, or livejournal, or private email. All of the aforementioned are verboten. No other sites are, as long as you have a work reason for being there. Part of this job requires that I have virtually unfettered access to the net, as I am reviewing ads for questionable content. I keep hoping one of these ads will accidentally go to some porn site, (which we had to sign an agreement not to be offended by) but it hasn't happened yet. In other news, Cameron is over tonight and tomorrow night, I have to take him to school in the morning, as he is not quite done with that yet for the summer. He is playing HP and Prisoner of Azkaban on Viv's 'puter right now, and I am trying to keep myself busy. Vivien is taking a nap as she has been struck witht eh cold that is going around work right now. We were going to go to a poly function here locally, but money and her illness have gotten in the way of that. I don't think I am really disappointed, I wasn't much in the mood for that kind of interaction tonight, and had almost talked myself out of it before she really started feeling crappy as it was. We opened a membership with a health club here last friday, and Viv and I both went to a Kickboxing Cardio workout class last night. The only place I am really sore is in my abs. The instructor is a retired MMA fighter. He keyed us into a local smoker that will be on May the 20th, so we may be doing that for my birthday. I am taking Cameron to play some racquetball tomorrow after school as he seems very much to look forward to "kicking my butt" as he says it. I wonder what kind of monster I have created with this... Thats life from the left coast. Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
10:52 am	Random Stuffage Several things: First, Viv and I are done with the actual training class at work, and we survived/passed, we will be on the floor today and all of next week in sort of a training section, then go to our standard schedules starting next sunday. I figured out how to get music onto my PSP, so I will have a playlist, although limited, (hint hint, for B-day I want a psp memory card so big you'll think I'm compensating for something) Viv was checking the mail last night and had to walk around the buildings instead of through the rec room, which was fortuitous, as she spied a sturdy but ugly dining room table from one of the other units that had moved out, so we have a table now, though no chairs for it. We are talking about making a computer chair for me a priority once we get paid, as we are sharing hers right now, (I think she fears I'll break it, as I am hard on furniture in general. The apartment is coming together rather nicely, Cameron has his own room, and next time he's over we will be putting up the decorations he has claimed in there for him. Right now on the floor in his room there is most of a gutted monitor in pieces spread about. Having Cameron around has been a joy and an adjustment, we don't go about partially clothed as much as we did, don't want to have him going back to his mom telling her we're naked in front of him and giving her something to freak out about. He seems a very solemn child much of the time, and his teacher mentioned that he has seemed depressed this last year to her as well when I talked to her. Of course this last year has been when Kim^2 started falling apart, so the situation there could not have been very great for him. It is interesting having to re-learn my son, but not unexpected, as I have been, for the majority, out of his life for so long. We are hoping to get him this weekend for Saturday, although I have not heard back on that and time is getting really damn short to work that out. We will have to see what happens, as next Saturday will be our last weekend day off for the foreseeable future. Our days off should fall right in the middle of the work week, which is good and bad. on the one hand we will be able to get errands done in the middle of the week, on the other, we won't share weekends with my son during school, will not be such a big deal during the summer, which is coming up soonish for him. Anywhooo, off to make lunch and start getting ready for work. Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
8:08 am	Funny Video Here's something amusing, a british hypnotist convinces a guy that he is in a real life zombie game a la House of the Dead. http://www.alldumb.com/item/11984/ (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 16th, 2006
5:33 pm	apartment Happy Freakin Naked Pagan Dancin may commence!!!!!! We just got the confirmation on our apartment in Oregon, we qualified, halle-freakin'-lujiah!!! and tomorrow we go out of town for the weekend I am soooo glad we have the worry of the apartment off our backs before we go away for this weekend. YAYYYY! Current Mood: excited (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
8:19 am	Something Popcorn About four, the birds came out, drab tiny things squabbling amongst themselves over the dregs of microwave popcorn I had scattered on the stained concrete. There were three of them. Watching them wage their small three sided battles, I smiled to myself thinking of the ducks of Alton Baker Park in Eugene and bags of day old bread. A simple pleasure, enhanced by my toddler son’s joy at feeding them. One of the cheap pleasures we could afford at that time. My thoughts alternated between now and back then as I watched the birds, making the weird connections my thought processes often do. Every time I closed my jaw a piece of popcorn hull between my teeth made my molars on that side ache. This dull pain was nothing compared to the agony that the exposed nerve in one of my teeth can inflict. There is a decongestant bottle in the car. It has been refilled with Fundador. The spicy warmth of the brandy has become the only thing that I can rely upon to numb the exposed nerve in my tooth. The bottle scares me. I possess an unreasoning fear or wariness of alcohol. The brandy numbs the pain, and I only need the smallest swig, enough to bathe the tooth in it, to kill the pain. What I fear is that I will need more and more of the brandy to numb the pain. I know in my head that I must monitor this, as pain makes it much easier to rationalize addiction. I never want to be the alcoholic I almost was. This is something else that makes me think of “Back Then.” I moved out in January of 1998. For the next four months, I was drunk by 10 AM every Sunday. Out of context that sounds pretty bad, I’m sure, so I suppose I should explain. When I moved out I was working twelve hour graveyards, and my work week ended on Sunday at seven in the morning. I would head to the bar with coworkers and be thoroughly drunk relatively quickly. I would order a Long Island Ice Tea, drink it in two swallows, and order another, then order food as well, and drink my second LIIT in two more swallows, at which point the bartender wouldn’t serve any more of them to me. At that point I would start drinking whatever caught my eye or whatever was being bought by friends. I usually stopped drinking after about three hours and just before blacking out. Maybe context doesn’t shed any better light on my drinking? Maybe my fear isn't so unreasoning? (Comment on this)
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
7:29 am	Bi Boy, confirmed Klein Sexual Orientation Grid I scored an average of 2.86 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 Heterosexual Bisexual Homosexual Meaning This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale: 0 = exclusively heterosexual 1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual 2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual 3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual 4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual 5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual 6 = exclusively homosexual Summary The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us. Take the quiz (Comment on this)